Do you ever get the feeling that you missed one of the best decades because you either were too young, or even worse, not born yet?
I wake up in cold sweat every night thinking about the 80s in this light. For this reason, March 4th is circled about 57 times on my Calendar. It’s my favourite day of the year and lets me be a part of my favourite decade when the cassette reigned supreme and Alf ruled the TV airwaves.
That’s right 80s has some of the best character archetypes that skiing has ever created. If you don’t know what I’m talking about let me guide you through the in’s and outs of 80s Hot-dogging-ski-culture.
1. The Jean Warrior
not to be mistaken for the equally proud, Prairie Farmer, the subtle differences are only discernable by Canadians and Moose herders. AKA Jean on Jean, Canadian Tuxedo.
Likes: Cold Beer, Chopping Wood, Curling, Cowboy Boots, Brooks and Dunn, moustaches, Cattle Ranching
Dislikes: Hipsters, Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Waterproofing
This doll loves to be the centre of attention, as long as the centre revolves around a roaring fireplace and many leather bound books at her latest Boyfriends ski chalet. Often the first one to the after party and the last to leave, but always on the guest list.
Likes: Champagne, Fast Cars, Ski Racing, charcuterie plates, tight pants, six figure salaries
Dislikes: Cheap Beer, Dirt, manual labour
3. Neon Army
To avoid burning out your retinas by looking at a Neon you should always be wearing polarized sunglasses, and sometimes even two pairs. Nobody is really sure when Neon started, but the logo on their jackets most definitely said Sun Ice. They glow red hot just like their fiery passion for spread eagles and back scratchers.
Likes: Bright, Bold, All night dance offs, the finer points of freestyle, ski ballet
Dislikes: Taking life too seriously, office work, authority
Almost exclusively from the Alps, this Austrian Archetype follows the path to victory at all costs. The problem is nobody is actually competing anymore, but that doesn’t matter to him. He’ll beat you down the mountain and then make up a nickname for you that doesn’t make any sense like “Dussel Fledermaus”
Likes: Winning, words that rhyme with schnitzel, BMW
Dislikes: Party animals, ski bums, losing
Ultimately there are no rules, so dress up and come join me at Norquay’s annual Eighties day and have a good time this March 4th at Mt Norquay.